Written by Chisato Hotta, DSW, LPCC, LMFT
I’m a Japanese female, who grew up around the states. One of the things that is ingrained in my memory is when I lived in Upstate New York with my parents. My mother and I went to the grocery store and we noticed that people were kind of looking at us. Not in a negative way, per say, but more in a “what in the world…?” kind of way. Kind of like we may look at a green alien who came to Earth with 10 arms and 5 legs. (Wow, what an image, huh?)
My mother and I were speaking in Japanese and for a moment, my mother stopped and said in Japanese, “I think we’re the only non-white people here…” I looked around and said, again in Japanese, “I think so too.” It made us realize THAT was the reason why people were looking at us the way they were! We got our stuff and left and discussed how weird it was in the car. I think since that time, we were careful whenever we went to the store.
It’s interesting because we have lived in multiple places: 2 places in Canada, Kentucky, California and more. That was the first time that we really felt different and out of place though. My parents and I ended up moving from Upstate New York, probably about a year after that. It’s still a moment that I think about often. In a “melting pot” like the United States, no one should ever feel that way. But I know people do.
Now, many years later, we live in an area with a large Asian Pacific Islander (API) population. Although I don’t really have a lot of Japanese friends, I can understand the feeling of safety that we could feel when we are around people who don’t look at us like we have 10 arms and 5 legs. When I think of being trauma informed, one of the things that I think about is treating people the way we want to be treated. Don’t assume that we know better or that we are better. Know that through the differences, there are also similarities- embrace the differences and the similarities. Don’t treat people like they have 10 arms and 5 legs. And the big one- come from a place of curiosity. That will decrease the moments where we, or others, feel bad for being “different.”