Written by Robert Daylin Brown, Ed.D
Many of my days feel like pure struggle and frustration. But sometimes, that’s what healing looks like. Healing can still include days of frustration and struggle. But one day, I woke up and realized I was a bit farther down the road than I thought.
You know that you must heal from abuse or past wounds, but how do you know what actually healing looks like? Here are six possible signs that you are healing from trauma.
- You are more aware of your triggers. In the past, you may have reacted automatically to words or people or situations without really being conscious of your responses. One sign of healing is being able to name the actual thing that is the catalyst for your trauma responses.
- Your tolerance is slowly increasing. This does not mean that you are NEVER triggered. It simply means that you are not as EASILY triggered as you used to be.
- Your resilience is increasing. I want to be clear here. Resilience does NOT mean having a thick skin because things don’t bother you. That’s not it. Resilience means getting triggered or emotionally charged or knocked down AND THEN standing back up. Resilience is the ability to return to equilibrium. Resilience is your ability to return to a calm state after being activated. You are healing when the length of time to return to calm starts getting smaller and smaller.
- Your locus of control begins to shift. You are gaining more control of your behavior. You are gaining more control of your words. You are letting go of trying to control others. You are recognizing your ability to influence situations rather than control these situations.
- Shame, self-sabotage, and embarrassment are all diminishing. Shame is slowly being replaced with forgiveness. Embarrassment is slowly being replaced with empathy. Self-sabotage is slowly being replaced with self-determination.
- You are beginning to feel unstuck. Hope is a powerful thing. In the past, it sometimes felt like hope eluded you, as if it existed outside of yourself, coming and going on its own, flitting in and out of your life like a sparrow. But now you have a different perspective of hope. You are beginning to see that hope is less like a sparrow and more like a seed. When you start to believe that moving forward is possible, and you’re metacognitively aware that you feel this way, you must then water that seed with consistent mindfulness. “Today I feel like moving forward is possible. Moving forward is possible. Moving forward is possible.” Sprinkle those words all over your day and allow that hopeseed to grow.
For more information on trauma and healing please visit our resources on the TILA website.