Written by Chisato Hotta, DSW, LMFT, LPCC
Growing up, I used to hate my name. I left Japan at 3 years old and many people had a hard time saying my name growing up. That left me with more nicknames than I can count. We also moved a lot.
My father was an electro cardiologist who worked his way up his career and since he would get called to multiple places, we would go. We would usually rent an apartment, get to know the area, and then buy a house. This was my normal. This would happen, in general, around every 2 years or so.
When I was 19 years old, I “went back” to Japan. I remember a conversation with my grandmother during that time, where it went something like this:
Grandma (G): Do you know where your name comes from?
Chisato (C): Not really.
G: It’s a combination of your parent’s name. Your father’s name means to “heal” and it can be read “Chi” and your mother’s name means “Holy Child” and the “holy” part can be read “Sato.” So they combined it, changed the words to make Chisato（千里）. You would have been Chisato whether you were a boy or a girl.
C: Interesting.
G: Chisato means “thousand homelands”
C: That I knew. Which is ironic, because I don’t really feel like I have a “homeland”.
G: What do you mean?
C: Well… I left Japan when I was 3. Coming back doesn’t feel like “coming back”, it’s a very foreign place to me, even though there is some understanding. But in America, I’m a foreigner there too, because I’m always going to be Japanese. Even though I’m a Japanese American, and I have been in the states longer than anywhere, it doesn’t really feel like home.
G: That makes sense. Do you know why your parents chose the wording?
C: Not really
G: It has 2 meanings. One is for you to be home anywhere you are- so you can HAVE 1000 homelands. The second is for you to BE like a home to others, comforting, comfortable and safe- so you can BE 1000 homelands.
Little did I know that this conversation would shift my whole view of my name, and in a way, my definition of a home. My name is a symbol of my parent’s love and hope for me.
The little girl who felt that she had no home- now is an adult that found a home. But it came with a shift of thinking- that home is not a place. I am lucky to say that I have the most amazing people around me. My friends and family are my home. Because a little part of them is in me- and hopefully, a little part of me is in them. I try to be a home to others- and find a home in them too. And hopefully, also give the feelings that come with home.
For trauma informed training and support and , please visit the Therapist Directory, TILA Trainings and the Speakers Bureau.
For trauma informed training and support, please visit the Therapist Directory, TILA Trainings and the Speakers Bureau.